Holiday Card 2013

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Cold Mountain/Abbie as a Visionary Daughter

 From Danny Silk's Loving on Purpose' Facebook page:

'Only vision can give purpose to your pain, which enables you to endure it and reach your goal.'

Christ demonstrated this incredible power of vision to help us endure;  'for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.'  Keeping your love on is no different.  It requires vision."

I stayed up quite late on C'mas Eve processing this very concept with Abbie (and this was BEFORE Tate got sick, and THEN our sugary SJ and sweet Jojie needed lots more nocturnal nurturing than usual) . Victoria Abigail is a Christmas gift to all who know her, as she keeps her love on in ways that raise the bar for all of us who get to live life with her 24/7.  She's a daughter who 'looks like her Heavenly Daddy,' (this 'lookin' like our papa' simple theological concept that Dawna Da Silva mentions so often is changing me, big time).  

Even though there are times when well-meaning people's reactions to her choice to be joyfully serving her earthly father full time hurts, Abbie believes the amount of time between high school graduation and married life is shorter than most people realize.  She desires to be as equipped as possible to be a truly content support person/helpmeet, to her future husband, knowing he'll have an intensely missional lifestyle.  Being faithful to the various roles she plays in our life enterprise, as administrative assistant to multiple areas of her daddy's business, ministry, & estate oversight, is no small deal.  It's earning an apprenticeship style Ph.D. for Abbie, to prepare her for the life she'll build with a visionary husband of her own someday.  

This calling she hits the floor running with (365 days a year) is unfortunately not always revered, understood, celebrated, or encouraged, bc it's so extraordinarily counter-cultural, and outside of people's experiential grid.  Some of the sharpest professional women I know don't bear a fraction of the responsibilities our sweet Abbie gladly embraces for the Kingdom, inside AND outside our walls.  It's a great honor and an undeserved privilege that she's chosen to come alongside me as a younger, less sleep deprived, highly intelligent woman, to learn with me about God's desire to free us from the chains of our controlling, feministic tendencies, one day at a time.  A grown daughter who offers her gifts and talents to see her visionary dad's Biblical dreams come to pass is a treasure we don't take for granted. 

I watched 'Cold Mountain' with Shane for an at home date recently,  and the commitment Nicole Kidman's character displayed towards her father is one of the few pictures I've seen Hollywood paint of what Abbie's life is about.  A pioneer, in many ways, paving new territory.  Walking a narrow road, but enjoying it as God's best, even when it feels lonely at times, like it does for all women embracing Titus 2:3-5 as the mandate for single AND married womanhood.  The father on the film, Donald Sutherland (one of Shane's favorite actors),  was genuinely grateful for his visionary daughter's pure hearted devotion, exactly like Shane is about Abbie's.  For her, it's more than enough of a reward to be his delight, knowing she puts a smile on Jesus' face when she does so.

Remembering SJ's Beginnings

Today my pregnancy calendar nears the end of month 9.  It's day 241 of this roller coaster of a pregnancy with our beloved fourth son, Shane Gerald (SJ) Simmons.  I am 34 wks., 3 days pregnant today, and I can't buckle my own sandals.  :)   Abbie laughs often when I ask for help, mimicking the mom on 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' and says, 'Good thing you have ME to tie your SHOES!' in her most convincing Greek accent.

After a challenging night in the sleep dept., I awakened choosing gratitude for the jabs in my ribs/hips/pelvic bones, as well as the gastrointestinal disturbances that added to all of the OTHER reasons why sleep is evolving into the phase of preparation God designed, so I won't be freaked out when the erratic sleep cycles of 'babymooning' are upon me.  Regardless of how committed I'm learning to become, about nocturnal health, this is my generous Heavenly Father's way of gradually transitioning me to a place where 'laying down my life' for this new baby is less shocking than it would be if I slept perfectly before the birth.

While drafting an email to friends after rolling my awkward body out of bed today, I stumbled upon an email I penned on the day I learned that I was carrying SJ.  I share it below as a mile marker in our family history, and to remind myself that God is with us.  This is HIS GIG we do around here, doing all we know to do to equip our large number of offspring for the King's purposes. 

I sent it midday on Sat. AM, January 12, 2013 (we think this little man was conceived on Christmas Day), recruiting intercession and a band of cheerleaders to be the loving 'one anothers' the New Testament talks about.  I copied a text dialogue I'd been in earlier that morning as I sat with my mouth wide open, staring at 2 pink lines on a home pregnancy test and feeling VERY surprised, even a little weak, in the faith dept. 

"Friends,

See the following text dialogue between me and my precious, life-giving friend Michelle Patterson early this morning, as I sat in the bathroom with all my peeps asleep, trying to get my arms around some big news that was NOT in my planner (considering how hyper organized I am about my fertility monitor and commitment to 'stewardship' over my challenged 'earth suit'/physical body, post cancer):

'Chace:  Michelle, I'm expecting.  Due Sept 18.  Grateful to God for the estrogen surge;  processing how this changes our logistics and thoughts for the coming year slightly.  All I know is that He's decided this is best.  If He chose this for me, and His ways are higher than my pitiful (at times, wimpy-whiny-baby-brat) ways and thoughts, then I rejoice and feel happy that Annemarie is not the caboose, like we'd thought.  Love you.  

Michelle:  Wow wow wow! Another Simmons bringing the Kingdom to earth!!! Hallelujah!! So you are feeling good?

Chace:  THANK YOU FOR CELEBRATING WITH ME!  No one's up here yet, and of course the enemy wants to straddle me with mixed emotions, which is crazy, bc the bottom line is Kingdom (thanks, Michelle, for that simple-duh!-reminder I couldn't grasp at on my own, as I sit here in shock).

Michelle:  You mean you just found out?!?

Chace:  5 min before I texted you.  How cool that I felt safe texting you so early.  Wasn't sure who to tell.  You never know how many 'Kingdom' people will be tacky, when I'm legitimately in need of strength from Christ's body, in order to face this 'not necessarily about life' planet we live on with the news of my 10th child's conception.   I have a normal amount of humanity/humble concern about how I don't feel equipped AT ALL for this ginormous task/work load Jesus believes I can handle, no problem, with His Spirit steering my ship.

Michelle:  Wow, what an honor for me to know! Thank you for telling me! Now make no mistake, I have been stomping around this kitchen interceding for your overwhelmedness, that's a given!! What I am hearing Him say is that He LOVES YOU CHACE!!! And that He will never be motivated by any other force towards you but love. Even if we can't figure it...we will see that it is love! I will now go continue stomping for you!:):)

Chace:  Stomping is true community.

Michelle:  Fo sho

Chace:  Crying happy tears about His Love (and the honor of your friendship and stompfest).  Consecrated to Ellie Holcomb Pandora last night and it played Jenn Johnson's 'Come to Me,' which I've heard and loved a thousand times, but I was sitting on the kitchen floor sorting random bits and pieces of a bucket of things that needed to be put away (before I could face a Biblically sound version of Sabbath obediently, without having more work to face than I could emotionally bear on Sun. afternoon) after having been crying for an hour over getting the wind knocked out of me by one heavy child-training event after another all day, all week, all month :) .... and I LIFTED MY HANDS WHILE I SAT INDIAN STYLE, not knowing I had my 10th child in my womb, and just bawled tears of confidence in HIM...and then I started laughing at how hilarious it all really is.  My 'bon bon eating, gravy, one of two children, being redeeemed from a history of raging feminism, on-my way-to-law-school-for-Jesus resume, attempting to pull this craziness off for the glory of God.  The reporter that was at our house interviewing us and taking photos for the Waxahachie Now magazine yesterday will have an interesting twist on the story she titled 'Old School' for sure now.  :)

Michelle:  Wow!!! He is so amazing! And apparently absolutely capable of doing whatever He wants!! Wahoo! Of the increase of His government AND His peace, there shall be no end!!! Kiss kiss hug hug!! Dancey twirls!!'

So, friends, please pray...pray for that peace and confidence in our great God.  I've been reading a children's biography about Amy Carmichael, 'With Daring Faith,' and for the first time, I saw a connection between her battle with serious health challenges and mine.  The Lord's faithfulness to resource her with all of the things she needed to fulfill the motherhood mandate on her life enabled her to fulfill her vision/MY VISION, the KINGDOM EXPANSION plan.  He changed the world through her jacked up physical body, in spite of her discomforts, and I'm convinced today, in my spirit, that He's in the process of doing a very similar thing through me, for His glory."

Relationships 101: Things I'm Learning About I Cor 13:7

I Cor 13:7
Love hopes all things, endures all things, believes all things'

It expects/pulls out/calls out the best in each other, when the old man wants to be offended... believing and communicating with a Joy filled attitude and a spiritual/emotional posture of,
'That's not who you are; that's not the person you long to become; the fruits of the Holy Spirit are available to you bc you don't live in the old covenant, but in the NEW!  The same Power that conquered the grave, and the same Jesus that can conquer all the spiritually dead habits you long to ditch, LIVES IN YOU!' 

The new man, as an act of faith, develops a filter of LIFE-GIVING thoughts, feelings, and communication through which he operates from a foundational belief that respectfully communicates to others:
"No matter what I say
No matter what I do
You will always be in charge of your choices.
Not me or my pure hearted, intellectually formed sales pitch,
Nor my persuasive, logic based arguments,
Not even turning myself into a pretzel,
or suffering from sleepless nights trying to 'figure out' how to convince you of the validity of my thoughts and ideas. "

In many, many instances, the Rest and Peace of God may not have actually led me to engage in any unsolicited dialogue about my ideas at all, had I paused - - -
and waited patiently for His Rest.

And if AT ANY TIME, what's coming out of me isn't
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Gentleness
Faithfulness
Goodness
And self control,
Then the Holy Spirit's not in it..,
And I may not launch into my schpeel,
Not in text, email, or verbal words.
Not if I intend to be a Kingdom woman
and an ambassador of the Lord Jesus,
Put on this earth to worship God and glorify Him forever,
To join forces with the Lord as Healer
And not with the enemy against the Lord's Beloveds.

My time and energy is limited, and needing to be expended to strictly what the Holy Spirit HAS INDEED assigned me to, and not what the old man feels is 'responsible,' based on social/cultural norms,
or on a less-than-mature understanding of how to be relationally effective.

Unless I have been given specific Biblical authority over another person,
And/or unless they've specifically asked or released me to give my unsolicited input or thoughts,

Then as one walking in 
Rest and Peace, 

as well as Christlike Love,

I walk away-
and invest that time and energy the old man would've wasted on a choice that doesn't work, and often wounds,
and instead, I give that effort to a better choice that might bear fruit.

Nobody likes a commentary, a wise woman taught me once.   And even children know to steer clear of those we  call 'blow hards,' or what we used to call 'show offs.'  A religious spirit is the biggest turn off, even when the bearer of it is pure of heart in every way.  

Ultimately
Kindness is what leads us to repentance.

'Preach often, but rarely use words.'
So if I'm hurting, afraid, or saddled with anxiety,
I cannot
1. emotionally and behaviorally react to the old man's triggers
or
2. acknowledge the old man's companions of negative, unhealthy coping mechanisms (developed at some pt, in order to survive a difficult stretch of circumstances beyond one's control that brought confusion or pain, and caused habitual patterns of thoughtless, careless, knee jerk reactions),
nor can I
3. relapse/backslide into the old man's emotional habits that used to automatically respond to fear or hurt with defensiveness, micro management, control, lack of integrity, or trying to lead/govern another person one hasn't specifically been released to lead, all as self preservation techniques. 

The enemy sets traps/'hooks'/triggers for each of us to relapse/backslide to our individual 'old man' bag of coping skills/defense mechanisms that enabled us to survive in the past, and we start digging around in the different ways we used to automatically respond, but this new life in Christ is abundantly full of newer, healthier ways of coping and of ACHIEVING SUCCESS in every relationship we're in- even the ones we once felt the most insecure about. 

Father's Day Eve

Happy Father's Day, Pa, Grandad, and Shane!

When I asked Shane to text an honoring description of the 2 men we're blessed to call our fathers, he replied:
'Hardworking men who set a tremendous example of industriousness and generosity,' and that's the bottom line. Our sons and daughters receive the trickle down effect of these generational blessings, and we don't take these strong character qualities in the men we each call 'Dad' for granted.

My dad, Tod Fridge, is pictured below at Christmas with Annemarie in red (she's changed so much in 6 mos.!). I honor him this Father's Day with a grateful heart, for choosing time with me on days he wasn't on the road with the intense job stress he embraced as an aviator (even pulling me out of school if need be, which made me feel so cherished), for opening up his home and pocketbook to my many children (when the timing is definitely not always convenient), and for praying faithfully with my mom over his children and grandchildren. My dad chose my mom and brother and I in spite of the permission that western culture gives us to bail on hard things, and having he and my mom still married and loving each other not only for the other's strengths, but in spite of the other's weaknesses, sets the pace for the Spirit-led grace we're learning to walk in, here in our home. You're a blessing to us, Dad.

My father in law, Joe Simmons (pictured with Annemarie in a sunflower bow, below) is the most generous human being I've ever met. He gives and gives and gives, like the Energizer bunny keeps going and going, like Jesus who never fails, nor turns his back on the needs of His children. He stays connected with my husband daily, and provides a consistent safe haven of grace and peace for Shane, regardless of how frightening the life storms his son is enduring at the time are (and his son has seen some SERIOUS collisions of life tornadoes in the recent past, and more times than he would've preferred to, before that, in only 2 decades of adult life). Thank you, Joe, for showing me what Christlike parenting of adult children looks like, and for modeling selflessness at levels most Christians will never see, much less be able to observe and learn from, in a family member.

I posted the following on Facebook tonight about Shane:
"This selfless father of ten is no 'run of the mill' American boy, like many men in our culture are, walking around in full grown men's bodies. He takes wise, well calculated risks in obedience to a God whose Kingdom is one of opposites, and trusts/obeys with a commitment to doing many, many hard things all at once, to be sure his wife and children have all they genuinely need...for life AND godliness.

My rock star man preached the folly of being too concerned about what people think to me (even those I'm supposed to care about their opinion, a little) from the Y the other night by phone (when he desperately wanted to work out, instead of listening to me wrestle with the praise and rejection of man). He's earned the right to speak firmly about such mature matters of the faith, as he lives out the balance of letting the right men speak into his life, while not violating the Scripturally pure principles that guide the doctrinally sound 'life GPS' he rests in: the wise Holy Spirit.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, on this Father's Day Eve, that Shane Simmons is the father and namesake of the little man inside me, and of our beloved 9 babies that aren't in the oven. We are blessed and highly favored to have been gifted with him as the patriarch of our estate."

8 of 43 years

Chace: As I crawled into bed last night and tried to get comfortable (in the wee hours of my 7th month of this pregnancy), I prayed that God would supernaturally drop one of those fancy maternity pillows I've been eyeing (since baby no. 5 or 6 was in the womb) in my lap, and soon.  Earlier that morning, Shane had been comforting and snuggling me, and was a bit taken aback at how strong SJ's movements were.   He was lovingly admiring my efforts to try to have a good attitude about the hard days of physiological challenges endured, while reminiscing about my pregnancies with our 10 children (this made a substantial deposit in my 'love bank,' by the way; guys take notice; affirming this thing we do to grow your babies is a good thing). 

16 wks, at Liz's house for breakfast after a happy sleepover

So I decided to do the math after Shane got up to shower, just for kicks.  It turns out that after 10 lunar months of 9 pregnancies, and 6 months of preggers behind me with this little guy, totaling 96 months, that when you divide by 12 months in a year, the equation ends with my having been PREGNANT FOR 8 WHOLE YEARS OF MY 43 YEARS OF LIFE. Dang. That's 18.6% of my lifetime... Almost a fifth.

8 years of battling heartburn over babies smoosh-ing my digestive tract in such a funky way that all the way back to carrying Ab (and for 9 pregnancies to follow) I've battled heartburn over even the healthiest non acidic foods, swelling and skin expansion that makes me itch like crazy, and now the post-op babies pull on the scar tissue and mesh inside on the left, to where it burns/aches almost from conception forward, but "Would I trade the parties Annemarie and I have in the baby pool for all the $ in the world?" I was reminded, quickly, after my mathematical moment (thank you, Holy Spirit, for bringing perspective to that negative place I ended up in).

The day we found out SJ was a 20 wk old boy baby

When I think about how the vision to rear children for the glory of God is coming to pass, it's impossible to be overwhelmed at the prospect of 16 more weeks of pregnancy ailments.  The magnitude of how Emma is expanding the Kingdom, engaging lost and hurting people almost daily, as she serves up Starbucks with a smile (and a Jesus inside that most of her customers have never met), or how Ab was thanking a friend by text last night for being the wise kind, who lets the Lord be the One to guide her family on whether they should audition for 'Willy Wonka' or not, it's hard to stay in this place of 'Woe is me' over being out of breath some, frustrated about old valves that don't open and close in my left leg like they once did, or bummed about bouts of occasional dizziness (when I haven't exercised the self discipline to recline more, to get the double blood volume pumped back up to my brain).   Even our dear, almost 14 year old 'Libby Lou Who' called me Saturday, exuberantly exclaiming all the creative ways she'd been babysitting the 3 littlest, so Daddy could take the others to see the new 'Fast and Furious,' and so I could get caught up on a mountain of office tasks.  How many 8th graders do you know that are seriously that selfless and into servant-hood?  Jackson is so tenderhearted that he thanked me recently for going to bat with his dad on something he felt prayerfully led to do (an opportunity Dad was unsure of) which is incredible for a 15yo young man to even know to communicate to his mother formally.  Our 12yo daughter Ruby gets strengthening prophetic words for others, which is astounding.

Ruby and Libby, 12 and almost 14

I read recently in a magazine from my chiropractor about a father whose life was radically changed from his wife's birth; every human being he saw afterwards was a reminder that someone labored to bring that precious person into the world.    Are we really that grateful for one another?  For the moms who carried us, the parents who provided for our needs as best as they could?   For the huge sacrifices they made to labor and prepare us to be effective adults?   I am not nearly appreciative enough, and am in need of a heart transplant.  

Change my heart, oh God, make it ever true, may I be like You:  
You who are never irritated or annoyed by what sacrifice for our families involves, how life ebbs and flows and requires constant figuring and refiguring to pull it all off, 
Your Holy Spirit who gives- in a limitless way- without doing the math. 
Forgive me, Lord, for these moments of humanity and weakness, and make me über grateful for the extra privileges that come from the extra responsibilities of managing our large family's logistics, and being the mother of many.

Our darling Josephine Grace, 8 1/2,  next to SJ in the belly at 24 wks gestation

Shane Gerald Simmons, affectionately known as 'S.J.'

Chace:
Oh, happy day. We know now that this extremely active child in my womb is a boy baby.  My husband and I snuggled, giggled, and prayed for the first 36 hrs we knew his gender, deliberating over a variety of hilarious name combos. We wanted to honor several Kingdom men that have made a huge impact on our world during his gestation, but we don't GET to cram lots of names onto his birth certificate because we are, unfortunately, white- and unable to enjoy the Hispanic cultural norm of naming your baby a lot of cool names in a row (and because I grew up in San Antonio, and since this 'guera' has always wished she was Selena, I can get away with that comment 😊😊😊)

In the early months of my pregnancy with our now 18 month old Annemarie, we knew if we were carrying a boy, that we wanted to name him after his Daddy, Shane.   But since her darling little girl-y self is NOT a boy, in ANY way, shape, or form (and considering we were 'done' and had declared Annemarie the caboose), we let the idea go of having one of our children named after their daddy.

So here we are, unexpectedly expecting this strong little man inside me around September 18, and we have officially hit the halfway mark. The first half of my pregnancy was not at all uneventful, and a much loved local spiritual daddy, Gerald Parsons, has been used by the Lord as a foundational part of the glue that has held this family together for the past 20 weeks. We're feeling loosely on the other side of a a collision of life storms the enemy almost used to drive us into a non-transient division from each other, and from the Lord.  Pastor Jerry, a.k.a. "P.J.", fasted 2 WHOLE FREAKING WEEKS for a breakthrough in our darkest hour. He's supernaturally been given the ability to father my sassy, "flesh as well as Spirit-led, all in one" self, while holding my precious husband's hand to the plow, when Shane had grown weary in well doing.

We became endeared to the name "SJ" after being drawn to the little boy's character on the film "The Blind Side," and so this little man will affectionately be called "SJ," as well:
because he is "Little Shane,"or "Shane, Jr," and because it's a very similar nickname to his other namesake, PJ. 

Sweet Jackie is so happy the baby is due the day after his 16th birthday

Ruby turned 12 this week!

We celebrated at Farley Street Park with Pizza Hut and ripsticks, skateboards, scooters, and roller skates, while Annemarie napped, and Abbie and Emma did their high school classes at home.  Ruby got the day off from school, too!  What a happy day!

This treasured little girl began her arrival into our world at bedtime on January 22, 2001, and after keeping me up all night long in labor (when it was time to push, I was begging for a nap, but was given a spoonful of honey by my midwife, Jane, instead), she finally arrived, shortly before the sun came up on January 23rd. Libby was a toddler and Jackie was so in awe of his tiny baby sister with curly strawberry blonde hair.  Abbie was in kindergarten, and Emma was spending her final days as a preschooler, enjoying living life with our dear friends in Lancaster.

I remember how she was one of those babies that needed me to bounce and rock her in a very specific way to be consoled, so we called this 'Shh, Shh, Shh' rhythmic bounce we developed just for her, 'the Ruby dance.' These past twelve years have stretched me and taught me more about Kingdom living than I could have ever known, had you not been given to me, as a gift from God designed immaculately for your mommy. It blows me away how your tenderhearted responses can calm me down in many conflictual situations where I'm experiencing anxiety from other variables. Your sweet spirit, an amazing blend of laid back in a way that's unusually thoughtful and sensitive, as well as teachable and compassionate, is life to both of your parents, and to your older sisters, especially on the stressful days of shaping you and your siblings in a Godward direction. I love you and look forward to the next 12 years with you, dearie, with joy and thanksgiving!

Antique swing outside our office window

I have fond memories from when I was a little girl of pushing my baby brother Chad and my cousin Jenny in a vintage wooden baby swing, hung in a shady tree in my paternal grandparents' yard. The antique stores in this darling gingerbread town where we live have all kinds of treasures, and I stumbled across one almost identical to Gramma and Dee's swing recently.

Our 4 bay carriage house contains all the leftovers from a less than organized effort to hurriedly finish renovations and unpacking, while I was on partial bedrest during my pregnancy with Annemarie. We shoved the last of the piles we couldn't get to in the carriage house, a little over a year ago while I was in labor.  It's a massive project we can't even think about tackling, for wisdom's sake, until the seasonal back to school and post holiday projects we're still fully engaged in are behind us. Since the carriage house is probably where the blue plastic Little Tikes baby swing that our first 8 babies enjoyed, I spent some of the birthday money Nana and Pa lovingly sent to our chubby baby on this pretty swing I found downtown. Now the newest munchkin discipline issue at our casa is quarreling over whose turn it is to push her in that awesome swing.

Are we blessed that our babies can play outside almost all winter in Texas or what?  Abbie and I actually got a bit of a sunburn the past 2 days that were unseasonably in the high 60's.  God is good to this 'reared in south Texas warm weather' mama of many, who needs sunlight to grow :)  .

Christmas Stress Solution No.1: Tallwish.com

I found this brilliant online resource, tallwish.com, where we can post the web addresses of any items that would genuinely improve our quality of life and/or our efficiency or productivity. This holds us accountable for taking the time to prayerfully think wisely about items that we genuinely do or don't have room for, in an already crowded household. When accessing this list, you can also see which category the list owner placed it in, one of four:
1. Must Have
2. Love to Have
3. Like to Have
4. Thinking About

We plan to keep it current and add to it all throughout the year, so birthday and other gifts are also less likely to need to be returned, exchanged, donated, or consigned . It'll also be a big help to me when I end up unexpectedly at garage sales and thrift stores, to have this handy list in my smartphone-  to differentiate the legitimate needs we've taken the time to really think through, from the temptation to spend impulsively on an item we really don't need or have room for.

We believe this tool will be of GREAT VALUE for the young couples we love to encourage, as many of them call us frustrated, sharing this same winter/spring project, following their American culturally normal Christmases each year. Shane's best friend from high school opened his garage door up not long ago, after Christmas, to visually display for his generous mother what 2 sets of materially blessed grandparents gave his family with 4 children that year. It was packed, and he explained that a trip or an experiential gift might prevent the stress he and his wife and children were faced with again, to try to figure out where to put it all. We're learning that because gifts is one of the primary love languages of those with time and spending power to buy lots of presents, these well-meaning people don't intend to cause strife; they're simply expressing a sincere love for their families. They honestly don't realize how much stress they can inadvertently cause, by buying what they want their children and grandchildren to have, rather than what would benefit them most. Here's to new beginnings!  And many thanks to Tallwish!

John Piper's Final Sermon at Bethlehem Baptist Church

Chace: Shane found this last night while comforting me after a very painful experience with someone I trusted who'd really hurt me, on the tail end of WAY too many post-Christmas organizational projects and Florence Nightengale tasks that had left me quite winded.  'Sorrowful Yet Always Rejoicing' Piper entitled this life changing sermon.  We watched, spellbound, with Abbie and Annemarie after the other children went to bed, feeling like the Holy Spirit had crafted this passionate plea to the Church just for us.   The concept of indomitable joy and endurance in Jesus, in the midst of pain, afflictions, hardships, suffering, sorrow, grief, sleepless nights (this part of his text, II Cor. 5:2-6:13, jumped out at me big time, since our tiniest child has been so very, very sick for a BUNCH of nights;  not easy for this mama and papa in their 40's), etc., is counter to some versions of contemporary theology, but it's here in black and white, and it defines what sound doctrine looks like:

www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/sorrowful-yet-always-rejoicing#/watch/full 

My tenacious husband has been so faithful to hang with me, encouraging my heart, while the STRESS of Christmas like we've tried to do less stressfully than the years before (with VERY little success), infected the way that each member of our nuclear family related to one another for 2 full months now.  After 20 years of studying these trends and attempting to simplify things a tiny bit more each year, hoping to prevent a little of the previous year's drama the following year, I'm convinced it begins around Thanksgiving, when our children (who live contentedly all of the other months of the year with their thrift/consignment store wardrobes and a non-excessive amount of 'stuff' being brought into our home) are asked by generous, loving extended family members what they 'want' for Christmas.

It's interesting that for years, we've developed a theological vernacular around here about our 'wanters.' Gregg Harris' presentation of the Gospel at the 'Do Hard Things' conference taught us that when we become Christians, we become sheep, following our Great Shepherd.  The problem is that we're trapped in what we were before Christ, our wolf nature... until we get to heaven, when the battle between our 'wanter'/flesh/sin nature and our spirit man will finally end. When a small child responds to a simple directive in an integrous, emotionally honest, yet defiant way, by telling us he or she doesn't WANT to eat what we're serving that meal, or that they don't WANT to go to the Y right now, when we're late for Jack's game, we often end up doing the whole schpeel along the lines of 'Your wanter is not in charge of this family, buddy; The Lord is, and He's asked me to be the conductor of our logistical affairs, and you are playing off key right now.' 

Working out helped us decompress in between holiday events.
How cute is that Baby Love in her Santa jacket on Daddy's lap?

Trying to assimilate the surplus of gifts given at 3 different family meals, grappling with the exhaustion from the pace and way too many faraway outings that throw whoever's the baby WAY OFF for days, plus how conflicted we end up being (in the name of 'honoring' our family members' traditions) about the temptation to eat food we know we're on a permanent fast from, to avoid health consequences that are no small deal for how much responsibility we bear (i.e Shane's battle with asthma, diverticulitis, and high cholesterol/triglycerides, plus upset stomachs and lowered immune responses for all, resulting in consistent, annual post Christmas illnesses)...it's just not workin' out for us anymore.  

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  After 20 years of trying to figure out how to NOT get sick and stressed in the aftermath of the contemporary American version of the holidays, we've decided God isn't the author of this mess, and that our fed-up-ness is evidence of a holy dissatisfaction. There's more than enough challenges for us to learn to walk in indomitable joy through, simply attempting to develop a peaceful, less spiritually immature version of a loving routine, for the 11 people that live here (and who are genuinely trying to live out the Biblical 'one another' commands 24/7), but it dawned on me that this trend of home educators bailing on Christmas altogether, may be connected to this same feeling of a holy dissatisfaction we're discovering, with the way we do it in this country. 

Annemarie's yiddle books helped her chill and be less
 fussy when the pace of holiday busy-ness was outside our margins

My dear friend Pam is married to a guy from Mexico, and they have 6 incredible children.  She shared with me on Christmas Eve at City Church that the first year they moved back to the states, she tried doing Christmas like she remembered from her childhood, but that she abandoned her efforts shortly thereafter.   The traditions our parents did each year when Shane and I were little (he as an only child, myself as one of only two children) will be reworked quite a bit more dramatically next year, as we just can't focus on the renewed relationships with Jesus and each other (that the holidays are supposed to be about) when the after effects of an abnormally high number of outings, gifts, and non life giving foods throws the hope of a much needed normal routine out the window, big time, for weeks, sometimes months, before and after the big day. This makes exponential emotional reactivity a LOT more likely, not only according to the book of Proverbs, but also to those who've made it their life's work to study concepts like Celebrating Calm (Kirk Martin) and ScreamFree Marriage and Parenting (Hal Runkel).

We're learning, not only from so many years of unpleasant experiences, but from the wise people we're learning to grow up from, as a result of their teaching, that the buck has to stop somewhere. I read a history picture book from the library this year called 'Victorian Christmas,' and it turns out that originally, this gift giving thing was much simpler than it's progressively become. For me, by the time I've sorted our gifts and returned, exchanged, or donated the unreasonable amount of items we unsuccessfully tried to find 'homes' for, in our house, I end up having to spend any Christmas money or gift cards I received on more furniture or creative storage options to house the things we kept in. This involves rearranging furniture and cleaning out closets, 'projects' I told Jack we would be doing less of this year, as the gift he wanted most, since normal living isn't possible when our holiday organizational projects don't typically conclude until March or April  .    

After weeks of prayer and deliberation, we decided together last night that we will continue to embrace the replenishing, strengthening parts of the holidays, but that we quit all the parts of it that are like trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. Because we've faithfully sought the Lord's wisdom for how to pull off a slightly more scaled back version of an American Christmas each year, and because it's progressively become more and more outside our bandwidth, each year that our family size and logistical equation becomes larger, we look forward to less self-inflicted sorrow and relational drama, and more loud rejoicing, as we courageously apply these convictions, with wise mentors keeping our game plan in check.  And to all of you sweet moms in a season of just munchkins, who process your frustrations with me about your extended family members putting pressure on you to engage in holiday traditions that leave you panting, as well, be encouraged that God is a genius who can lead you and your husband to reasonable solutions, too.

'No sweets' no longer necessary!

I've had an obnoxiously high interest in health and fitness since I was quite young, and I've collected (literally) the world's best workout videos/DVD's from thrift stores for 20 years now, but something that my favorite tape brought to my attention recently, when the hilarious Gin Miller said it, jumped out at me as INACCURATE, when Abbie and I worked out to her tape this week.

Gin was crackin' us up with her dramatic voices, telling us how the muscles we're developing, while doing her tape, are trying to tell the fat cells to die, and she mentioned the old adage of 'no sweets' as part of that process. My metabolism is much slower at 43, with only one ovary, than it was years ago. When my dear friends, the 3 Campbell sisters, had an 'intervention' of sorts with my over-the-top-working-out (and creating chronic inflammation), way-too-raw, low-calorie/dieting self in 2007, they began a slow, de-brainwashing process I'm still in. They're teaching me about how blood sugar works, and how even my best efforts to stay trim and healthy were no longer effective, since my metabolism had slowed, from normal aging processes and hormonal changes as a result of my oopherectomy.

After 5 straight years of eating like they encouraged me to and working out in moderation, as a guinea pig for their 'Trim Healthy Mama' book, it's finally available for purchase, and my family is eating delectable, rich, low glycemic sweets and decadent foods like you wouldn't believe.
Check out their Facebook page and consider ordering their book at www.aboverubies.org. It debunks all of the food myths that you never quite felt right about, if you were a 'jumping from the latest health food fad to the next' type like myself, at some point in your life.

And for a sampling of ENCOURAGING ideas, go to my second baby, Emma's blog, at deliciouslydelectabledelights@blogspot.com.